Cool off and collect shells.

Sometimes when I feel completely over whlmed by everything going on. I have to take a break.

I am struggling deeply at the moment. we were given a few days of hope for my mothers diagnosis. That, of course, came shattering down at her last appointment. The doctor told her that the surgery they were going to schedule at the end of the month has now been called off. The radiation has not taken care of the cancer as much as they had originally hoped/thought. The cancer has progressed too much to get the surgery so they basically said they will just put her back on chemo and she will probably die on chemo. So I got that going on.

Then, I have willfulness and disobediance in my home. My children are absolutely rotten to the core this wholemonth. I dont understand what has happened there. The only thing I can think of that is happeneing that is different is both my older boys are at school now. I dont know why that would make them so bad but maybe they are acting out because they can not do what they want during the day now or something. It just doesnt make sense to me but I am trying to deal with it.

Due to the willful disobedience going on around me, my anger has become harder and harder to control. I feel like I am yelling at the boys all the time because they just wont listen and do what they are ask to do or do what they NEED to do. Its just making me crazy.

The tention has been building in our house. Im at my wits end with the children right now. I am scared of losing my mother and I feel like Im not getting any support or back up from my husband. So this weekend, I just took off. After we got home from KJ's soccer game. I made sure everyone got in and then I grabbed my Bible and I left. I went down to the local resivor that people go fishing at and I walked along the beach until I found a nice spot with some black eyed susans. I sat and read my Bible and enjoyed the beautiful view of the lake before me and it was just what I needed. I spent two hours their alone with my Bibleand then I went back, picked up my two oldest (Colty stayed home with Daddy because he was napping) and we walked the shore and collected sea shells and attempted to skip rocks. That hour and a half I had with my boys was great. we had fun together. It was relaxing and I didnt have to raise my vioce at all while we were there.

I think I need to start doing things like that more often. When I feel run down and need God the most I need to just GO. Be with him and the word and be in a place of great beauty. A place I can refresh and renew myself in the Lord. Almost like a Biblle retreat on my own. So thats my goal. Atleast once a week I'd like to just get out of the house alone and be with God. One day I may even get brave enough to just go and camp out all by myself over night. Just me and my Bible. I think that would be pretty awesome if I werent so afraid of the dark. :)

The Anniversary

Yesterday was Gunner and my 8 year wedding anniversary. We have been together for 19 years but have only been married the last 8.

Mom stopped by to give us a little money for our anniversary on her way home from Chemo and she had some good news. The radiation has gotten rid of the cancer in her lungs and its working its way through the breast cancer. So much so thst last Friday she had some dead tumors removed so that way they can do some more intensive radiation. She still has the cancer up her back bone but they are thinking that the chemo that she is on now while giving her skin time to heal from radiation burns may actually take care of that. So Mom might actually go into remission in 6-8 months. That would be so great! That would mean she would have gone from stage 4 cancer that they told us that she would not have more then 18 months - 2 years to a year later possably going into remission. That would be so great! So that was pretty much the best anniversary gift I could have gotten. I am continuing to pray that God will take care of this. He has gotten our family through so many hard times. I don'ot see why he couldn't get us through this one too.

Tomorrow, since it's Yom Kippur public school is off but Rando has school. So I am going to get KJ up and ready like i would any other day but I will just not drop him off at school. I like when we have a set rutine and on school nights we keep to it. When KJ knows we have no school he stays up late and steals snacks from the treat bin in the middle of the night. If I dont say anything to him until I pass by his school then that will be a super big surprise for him.

I have a super duper crafty friend who does her own maintaince on her house and can pick up an old piece of free furniture off the side of the road and make 2-3 pieces of awesome crafty furniture or decorative stuff. She has a very small kitchen just like I do and has very little counter space. Well, she made sink and stove covers that just go right over the sink and stove so she can have a little extra  counter space. I thought was total cool and I mentioned that I hated how poorly lit my kitchen was and the only place that got any light was the kitchen sink where the big window was. So she made me a sink cover and I have to say it is AWESOME! Its like a movable kitchen desk top. I keep it over the sink to work on projects and things like during the day and after lunch and dinner I move it onto the stove with all the stuff exactly where it is still on it. Then I can wash dishes and clean off the table and when i am all done, I move it back onto the sink and its as if it was always there. I LOVE IT! I wish I could be as crafty as her but God did not bless me with crafty or artsy skills. 

We had a back yard camp out this weekend. It went very well and the boys had a great time. Rando woke up around 3:30am and crawled into my sleeping back with me which forced me to sleep on my side the rest of the night but it was worth the aching back in the morning just getting that extra time to snuggle my big BIG boy.

Wow! It's been a long time!

I haven't been on here in a very LONG time. It surprised me how long it's been.

Now that Rando and KJ are in school (Rando goes from 9-12) I have a little time during the day where it's just me and baby Colty. So I am able to get things done such as this. So I'm hoping I will be more regular about keeping up on here.

I'm so thankful that summer is finally OVER! I had my 3 kids and my brother's 3 little girls who don't listen, who get into as much trouble and back talk all the time. With everyone in school I don't have to deal with them until there are school breaks and days off. That's better then every day all summer long. It's been a LONG and frustrating summer.

Well I gotta check on the baked beans I am making for a cook out that we are going to today. I rarely make my home made baked beans but when I do I made 2 crock pots full so that way I can bring a crock pot and leave a crock pot for us to eat all week :) YUM!