Anxiety...... Fear not!

Philippians 4:6-9

Don't worry about anything, but in all your prayers ask God for what you need, always asking him with a thankful heart. And God's peace, which is far beyond human understanding, will keep your hearts and minds safe in union with Christ Jesus. 

In conclusion, my friends, fill your minds with those things that are good and that deserve praise: things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and honorable. Put into practice what you learned and received from me, both from my words from my actions. And the God who gives us peace wil be with you. - (Good News Bible)

When I read this today, it truly spoke to me. I have been sick all week and my mother inlaw will be coming to my Thanksgiving this year so I've been very anxiety ridden and stressed out. These verses were just what I needed to hear tonight. It was like God speaking directly to me, calming me, and letting me know that it's all going to be okay no matter how it turns out and no matter what happens. So I am feeling a lot better. By Thanksgiving, my sickness should hopefully be gone and I should be enjoying the second annual Thanksgiving dinner I am holding here. I refuse to allow anything to make me not enjoy it. :) 

Homeschooling

I never really thought of homeschooling as an option for our family because #1- we just can't afford to buy curriculum and pay homeschool legal fees and then once Rando is old enough it would be double the money. #2- KJ enjoys going to school because he's a very social little boy. We live out in the middle of no where so it's not like he has the opportunity to spend time with other kids except for Sundays when we go to church. #3- since we live out in the middle of no where the Elementry school is very tiny and I liked the smaller number of kids to a classroom ratio. And last but not least #4- I just don't think my kids would sit and do school work for me on a daily basis. It's hard enough getting KJ to sit at the table long enough to do his homework I don't think he'd want to sit and do school work for hours each day.

Last week was "observation" week at school. You were allowed to come and observe the class. I thought that was really cool because I would like to go and see how my child is learning every day. I noticed while I was there that KJ had a problem fallowing directions. Like if they were told to come to the reading rug he'd go but then just stand there until everyone one else sat down and the teacher would turn and say "sit down please". I thought that was weird but I thought maybe he thought he could get away with it because I was there or something. When they went off to music class I decided to leave then and just before I left his teacher pulled me aside to tell me that she was going to have a specialist in to observe KJ. She said he doesn't seem to ever realize that he is also part of the class. He has to be told to join them as if he doesn't think that her directions apply to him. She said she wanted the specialist to come and observe him and let her know if there was some way she could rearrange the classroom or a better way to talk to him so he feels included in the class. It made me feel like she thought he might have a learning disorder or something and couldn't fallow directions. It got me thinking about it and if it turns out he does have some sort of learning disorder I think he'd be better off at home where he'd get one on one attention. I guess we will have to see what the specialist says first but it's really got me thinking about the possibility of homeschooling. I don't know how we'd afford it or where I would even start, but if KJ has a learning disorder I want him to get the best chance he can to learn because a lot of learning disorders children can grow out of or master dealing with and possibility even return to school in later years. I just don't want him getting lost in the crowd and they pass him over without really dealing with it if he does have one. So that's been on my mind lately.

It's not so easy.....

I've been really struggling lately with my anger. I was raised to yell and make a lot of fuss when I was angry. My parents, their parents, everyone in both sides of the family are like that and that was just the norm for me. Now that I have children of my own, I see how it's effecting them. When they are angry or frustrated all they do is scream and yell and I decided about a year ago that I couldn't let this family legacy get passed on to them. Instead, I made a no yelling rule in this house. I have been doing pretty well with catching myself and stopping before I start to yell. When I have started to yell I've stopped myself and I've told my kids "I'm sorry I yelled. I shouldn't have done that. I know it's not nice to be yelled at" and they always say "it's okay mommy". That is the best way for me to show them that if they slip up and make a mistake that we need to be held accountable for it and ask for forgiveness.  Lately, I've been feeling very frustrated about everything. It's been hard to keep my anger in check as well. I feel like I'm always on the verge of yelling at someone. It's an awful feeling and I am not sure what is causing it.

God's Amazing Peace

It amazes me over and over how great God's peace is. As I've said before, I am trying to get pregnant but this time I've left it in God's hands. Since doing that I have felt GREAT! I don't have that awful anxiety and fear that I had when I was trying to have my boys. Well I struck me the other day. I got the stupid thought in my head, "Maybe God won't let me get pregnant again. Instead he took the desire out of my heart". I sat and thought about it and I said, "God, if you have taken the desire for a baby girl out of my heart will you give me a sign?"

The next day, I worried about not being pregnant all day. I had that same awful anxiety I had when I was trying to have the boys. Later that night, I was thinking about how I felt all day. I instantly thought, "Here it is! This is my sign that I still have the desire in my heart" I just felt awful due to the anxiety I had all day so I began to pray. I thanked God for the sign I asked for and then I just said I give this back over to you Lord and what do you know..... I got God's peace! The anxiety and fear I'd had in me all day was GONE. It was like someone had flipped a light switch and BAM the lights came on and the Lord's peace just filled every part of me. It was an amazing feeling. I instantly started praying  again and thanking him and praised him for his awesome blessing.

I've had this happen many times. I'll be upset about something and I'll cry out to the Lord. Every time he faithfully gives me that amazing peace and EVERY TIME I am amazed by it. It really put a fire under my butt to change the way I think and my attitude. I always have a stinking thinking attitude. Like, "This will never happen" or "I can't ever do this" and it gets me in a bad mood and it just sets everything into a downward motion. I need to start thinking, "God is going to let something good happen to me today"  I need to start getting up everyday and just looking for all of God's blessings no matter how small and just praising him all for them. God will bless me with joy and patience all day long if I believe and have faith that it will happen. God can only bless you as much as you allow him to. I need to stop getting stupid and just get with God.